Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Trick-or-Treat and Chaos

Now that I have begun this blog, I feel paralyzed about how to continue. What if I do not have anything pithy or amusing to say? What if nothing happened that day, but normal life? I am afraid that if I have great expectations of myself, I will never write anything.

Today is Halloween and I have been doing a great deal of thinking about relationships. That does not seem to follow, but many issues are being stirred up in my mind right now. It is so hard to know the right way to handle all the different people in my life. And I must be different for each person. My eldest daughter just started sobbing when she was told to pick up her room- and then proceeded to stomp upstairs and take out her anger at me on her youngest sister. Should I try to work it out and be in the middle? Or do we have to sometimes let people handle their own emotions and relationships. It is hard to know when to confront, and when to watch. This dilemma is true in all of my relationships. Do I attempt to continually strive to make things different and "better" or do I sometimes accept what is, and be a peace with that. I do not know.

Today it is raining, so the wasps and lady bugs are hidden for the most part. But just knowing that they are somewhere, waiting to take over, gives me the creeps. My man said he would try to help the problem, but I am just waiting right now for the first big freeze. This makes me sad because after it freezes, so much of the beauty of living in the country dies along with the bugs. I guess the melancholy of the day is affecting my perspective because every where I look today, I see life leading to chaos. Nature taking over my house, apathy my relationships, cupcakes my figure, and naptime my motivation for change. But then my littlest one comes into the room like a ray of sunshine, with her cheerful made-up songs about life, and her enthusiasm about the future. Why do I lose that so often? Yes, this life runs to destruction, but I have hope of a new life- one that will never disappoint. My hope is for life eternal, where I will not have to strive, for the victory is accomplished.

Somehow this letter turned into a shallow look at the nature of life. I don't know how that happened. But my time to write is up. I have to get back into the struggle, make decisions, take a shower, and teach my children. Even if it is just about how to share your new birthday toys with a cheerful heart, the lessons are endless, and of eternal consequence. I am off to trick-or-treat and to fight the good fight.

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